In the moment of my daughter’s diagnosis of autism, I felt my life somehow split in two competing worlds. One was work: long hours, endless deadlines, providing for the family. The other was home: therapy appointments, meetings at school, and a deep desire just to be present with my daughter. For years, I felt pulled from both sides, stretched so thin that I was failing at both.
I’d sit at my desk while work was going on, attempting to focus on projects while my thoughts would wander to my daughter’s therapy session I was missing. At home, I would try to play with her while the pressure of successful work hung heavy on me. No matter where I was, part of me was always somewhere else.
The pressure became too much to bear. A constant questioning—I am not good enough. As a dad? As a husband? As a provider? Other dads seemed to have it all together, and there I was, measuring myself against them and always coming up short.
Until I hit the wall, I did not realize that something had to change; I could not be everything to everyone all the time. The least that I could do was choose. I began to make distinctions at work for establishing periods in time that were nonnegotiable with family. That was not easy; saying “no” never will but necessary.
At home, I’ve learned that quality is much more than quantity. When I was with my daughter, I put my phone away and listened. Even short spells of being really together-reading a book, building blocks, or just sitting together-could start to feel really meaningful indeed.
The actual big thing was when I stopped trying to pretend that I could do it all alone. I began honestly sharing my challenges with other dads in Autism Dad United Global and the relief came instant. Right there were men who would so understand what I meant when I said I felt torn in two. They gave me coping tips, words of encouragement, and most importantly the assurance that I was not failing-I was human.
Now I no longer seek that impossible balance; I seek alignment by making choices that fit what is most important. I am not perfect, and I still slip up, but I know I am not alone. Joining Autism Dad United Global has strengthened me with community and taught me that supporting one another makes all of us better dads.
